


Still Human

by darkponds



Series: The Lake House [3]
Category: The Vampire Diaries (TV)
Genre: F/M, Kind of a drabble, M/M, canon character death, it's sad sorry, this is still deremy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-15
Updated: 2016-10-15
Packaged: 2018-08-22 12:12:40
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,807
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8285434
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/darkponds/pseuds/darkponds
Summary: They were a comfort to each other. They just didn't talk about it. There was no reason to. It was exchanged through glances and silent gestures. It was the kind of thing you didn't really think about having to lose. 


  Until you do.





	

**Author's Note:**

> this is not the last part!!! i'm gonna do some more one-shots for this series i promise!! sorry for the sad, i'm trying to keep it canon compliant here :/

It doesn't last. Good things never do.

 

As they all scramble around to try to get that cure for Elena, things changed. Damon still loves her through everything. But he can't engage in a relationship where everything might be a complete lie. He had to know for sure if she really did love him. And the thought that it might be a while before anyone reaches a satisfactory resolve made him search for a distraction. Any distraction.

 

Jeremy was there in all his new fresh-out-of-puberty, hunter-powered glory. Still an underage dork in high school and enough angst in him to depress everybody within a ten mile radius. But all the sudden Damon _liked_ him. Not in a conventional way. It was all boredom turned to lust. Snarky, sarcastic, and bitter comments turned to genuine laughter. Nights of plotting against Klaus turned to nights of… other things. And there were times when he stopped and told himself he was crossing the line. But he wouldn't be Damon if he didn't cross the line. As long as Jeremy didn't say anything, no one had to know. They were careful.

 

It was only a few weeks that it went on. He thinks that something changed in Jeremy during that time. He was more confident. He caught Damon’s attention. Jeremy was still hopelessly in love with Bonnie. And he spoke about it often. But the way he talked about it was like he thought it was never going to happen. Damon gets it. God, he gets it. It was in reach for Jeremy. But he would rather bend him over his bedside than pep talk him into going for the girl.  

 

And he did. He could count how many times on only one hand. They didn't exactly have a lot of free time.

 

The first time they _slept_ together felt different from when they just messed around. It made him realize just how young Jeremy was. He's really just a kid caught in the middle of everything. And for the life of him he couldn't figure out why Jeremy was so incredibly _willing_ to submit to him. Especially when Jeremy made it clear several times that he detested him.

 

He always fed from him. Every time. Not a lot. Just enough to get that small buzz. But Jeremy _wanted_ it. Asked for it. And Damon gladly took it from him.

 

There was a part of him that felt like he was betraying Elena. And he was. But he also knew that Jeremy was technically betraying her too in a way. Which somehow in his mind, justified it.

 

They were a comfort to each other. They just didn't talk about it. There was no reason to. It was exchanged through glances and silent gestures. It was the kind of thing you didn't really think about having to lose.

 

Until you do.

 

He doesn't know why but when he sees Jeremy's dead body lying there in the sheets of his childhood bedroom, he feels nothing. He expects to be sad, angry, or even confused. Any of these things would be fine.

 

He wishes he could feel something besides irritation.

 

What _doesn't_ shock him is Elena’s reaction. He expected her to lose it. He expected her to be in denial and cry and fall down to her knees and _plead_ for someone to just _make it stop._ He expected it and he gives her exactly what she wants.

 

_“Turn it off Elena. Just turn it off.”_

She does the one thing that he and his brother worked so hard to prevent all at those simple words. It makes sense now why they call it flipping the switch. Because that's how easy it is. One minute you're hurting like you're dying, and the next not a single thing on earth can make you flinch.

 

Stefan and Caroline can crucify him later. It was spur of the moment and he promises he'll fix it.

 

It really starts to hit him when he feels the heat of the flames. He looks to Jeremy one last time. He looks dead. _Truly_ dead. Even though he was a hunter, Damon can't help but think of how human he is. Was.

 

So fragile and weak. Even with his newfound strength, Damon never denied that he was undoubtedly susceptible to death. He just didn't expect it happen like this.

 

He looks over at Elena’s empty eyes as the flames spread. She doesn't speak. She leaves. Stefan and Damon walk side by side trailing behind her as she descends down the steps of the front porch. It would all be ash soon enough. He can't stop staring at her as they watch the house burn. He did this. He can't recognize her. His regret sets in and it hasn't even been 5 minutes since she lit that match.

 

Fire travels fast. It burns and spreads and roars in the night, pulling down the structure that raised them. And it takes Jeremy with it.

 

They all go home to the boarding house. Not a word uttered between the three of them.

 

Damon thinks the deafening silence is what makes him realize that he's actually not okay.

 

::::

 

Elena is a raging bitch with her switch flipped. And Stefan is so matter-of-fact and judgmental and I-told-you-so. And Caroline is… well, Caroline.

 

Damon thinks he's still himself but somehow different. He and Stefan keep trying to think of ways to turn Elena’s humanity back on and they all seem like dead ends because Elena knows them better than anyone. She knows how to manipulate them to get what she wants. And she does it ruthlessly.

 

Elena tells them both to fuck off one night. To leave her alone and let her do what she wants or she'll start leaving a trail of bodies. Damon is shocked but when they get home all he can think about is what Jeremy would say.

 

Then it occurs to him that Jeremy is on the other side and he can see everything. Absolutely everything. He sees all the horrible things that Elena has done. He just hopes that Jeremy isn't sitting on the other side of that veil blaming him for all of it.

 

Stefan is lingering in his doorway as he dries his hair with a bath towel.

 

“Yes?” Damon says to him. “Can I help you?”

 

“You're distracted.” He states. “More than usual. You can't let her shake you. We have to see this through. No matter what she pulls. We owe her that.”

 

He's got angry eyebrows.

 

“I _know that._ What, you want me to give you some spiel on my guilty conscience? Clear my head? Not gonna _happen_ Stefan.”

 

“You're deflecting. And I never mentioned guilt.” He smirks. “You did.”

 

He's not gonna sit here and talk about his feelings with Stefan. They don't do that. It's shocking that he's even starting a discussion like this.

 

“I'm _focused_. Are you?” He defers, turning to his drawers to pull out a t-shirt. “I am distraction free. I just want overly compassionate, self righteous, sire-bond- _free_ Elena back.”

 

Stefan is quiet. The silence is an indicator that he's seeing right through him. He knows Damon's words are true, but that's not what Stefan was getting at.

 

“You sure that's all you want back?”

 

Damon freezes. What is that supposed to mean? He turns to Stefan with an incredulous expression.

 

“What the hell are you talking about Stefan?”

 

“I think…” his eyes shift over to the chair at Damon's desk then back to Damon. Jeremy's old jacket is hanging there on the back of it. “That you know exactly what I'm talking about.”

 

Before Damon can speak, he leaves his room.

 

He waits until he can hear Stefan reach the bottom of the stairs before he lets himself cry. And then when he hears Stefan walk out the front door and close it behind him is when he starts breaking shit.

 

::

 

Bonnie looks sad all the time. Damon isn't sure if that's just her face, or if it's Jeremy. He's not going to ask. No way in hell is he going to ask.

 

He feels like shit. That guilt that he apparently didn't have… he's feeling it. After Elena decided it would be a good idea to try to kill Bonnie, he's guiltier than ever.

 

He saw the fear in Elena’s eyes for a split second. It was enough. It was proof that they can pull her back from the brink. But he also saw Bonnie's rage. He saw how bad it had to get. How bad he _let_ it get.

 

And he’s sure Jeremy saw it too.

 

For the life of him he cannot figure out why Jeremy’s opinion is suddenly so important to him. It's probably because he's gone.

 

That night when he visits the Alaric’s grave, he stops by Jeremy's too.

 

“I don't know if you're listening Jer, but I'm gonna fix this.” He takes a swig of whiskey. “I'm gonna fix it. I'll snap her out of it. I swear. I promised. I promised Ric and now I'm promising you.”

 

He's too drunk. He has a headache for the first time in maybe 50 years. His eyes are wet. “I promise.” He slurs, closing his eyes tight.

 

He trudges home through the woods and manages not to kill anyone on the way.

 

::

 

 

It's a reckless plan, he can admit. The Gilbert ring has a history of making people lose their damn mind, but this seemed like a good enough reason to risk that.

 

And Matt agrees to it quickly so it can't be that bad of an idea.

 

When he snaps Matt’s neck he expects to feel good about it. He doesn't. He just waits for Elena’s reaction.

 

When she sees the ring on his finger and the wave of relief breaks out on her face, Damon feels like they've all won the fucking lottery.

 

She’s relieved. She’s happy. She's _feeling_. She's _back._ They did it.

 

‘ _We did It, Jer’_ he thinks to himself.

 

::

 

He thought that bringing her back and flipping her switch would fix everything. It almost did. She loves him. She admitted it. Emotions on, sire bond gone that those feelings were real.

And he's waited so long to hear it because he loves her too. He remembers when they kissed outside the motel. Ironic that Jeremy was the one to interrupt them.

 

She kissed like Jeremy does. Takes what she wants but doesn't take everything. She still lets him have the reigns.

 

He's reminded himself that Jeremy is gone. Even with all this talk of maybe dropping the veil, Damon still knows that he's never coming back. Not for good.  Not really. Maybe not at all.

 

And that's what's wrong with all of this. Because even though Elena is safe and finally back to normal and _his,_ Jeremy is still gone.


End file.
